Today’s Meditation

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“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” —Bryant H. McGill

We listen to gather and obtain information, to understand, to learn and of course, for enjoyment. How we listen can carry a big part in the way we are perceived. Too often today, we tend to multi-task as we are listening to someone.

And often, unfortunately, we wander off, have to refocus again and again, and sometimes even completely stop listening to someone as we are too engrossed in our own problems, our own life, feeling like no one is listening to US…

Listening is an art

By becoming a better listener, you can improve your life, your energy to influence, to persuade, to negotiate. Listening actively, and with mindfulness, can benefit your entire life, even the way you see life.

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” —Dean Jackson

How do you figure out whether someone is listening to you or not? How infuriating is it to figure out that they are not? You just want to scream, right?! But hey, everyone does it — we are constantly multi-tasking, trying to do ten things at once, figuring out our next move, our next lesson, getting ready for the next day, making copies, just trying to get things done. But when you don’t listen to someone actively, mindfully, you are telling them, in essence, that they are

• not important
• what I’m doing right now is more important than your story
• I don’t really have time for you right now (and if this is truly so, tell your friend, spouse, colleague this, let them (and yourself!) out of the misery and make plans to continue the conversation in five minutes, half an hour, tomorrow.)

But don’t just hang out, half listening —experts say we only ‘hear’ 25-50 percent of what we are listening to! Take heart in the following:

Every good conversation starts with good listening

Making eye contact, truly listening to someone does take effort. And not just a little. Put down the phone, stop checking Facebook, concentrate. It seems like that many of us have totally lost the art of concentrating on just one thing anymore. We feel like there is no time to do all the things we need to do.

Be attentive and relax. Just take this time to listen. Do nothing else.

Show that you are actively listening by simply nodding, smiling occasionally; use short, verbal comments like yes and uh huh.

Keep an open mind. Do not criticize the speaker, don’t even do this in your mind. It will just confuse you and maybe even make you miss the most important things the person has to say.

And please, don’t be a “sentence-grabber.” Do not interrupt the other person. Let them finish. I know, I used to be the worst. But when I learned how to actively listen, I learned so much about the other person. Provide feedback only when the speaker is done or if asked.

If you start to lose your focus, immediately stop, and refocus.

Empathy and non-verbal communication

“The first duty of love is to listen.”—Paul Tillich

Feelings of empathy allow you to be in the other person’s shoes. When you couple active and mindful listening with empathy, you win. This takes energy and concentration. So if you feel exhausted after active listening, this is why, and it means you’ve done your job splendidly! Congrats!

“When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.” —Victor Hugo

You can glean a lot from what is “not said” and sometimes that speaks volumes! You can detect enthusiasm, boredom, or even irritation when you’re listening. So, the same goes for you. Your nonverbal cues can carry a great deal of information to the person you are listening to.

Often, because we have such a high-energy job ourselves, we forget that we also need to become better listeners.

To become an active, mindful, listener, follow these five guidelines-

• Pay attention
• Show that you are listening
• Provide feedback
• Defer judgment
• Respond calmly and appropriately

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It takes a lot of concentration, and determination to be an active, mindful listener.

But if you do this, it can make you a better communicator, improve your relationships, and make you a more productive teacher.

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Keep Reading the blog: Day 14 Achieving Your Highest Potential

©Taru Nieminen 2017   The Happy Teacher Solution